All Treats, No Tricks


On the off chance you didn't already know, I'm vegan, and please leave your shit at the door right now because I don't want to hear it. That being said, I LOVE food and possess an insane sweet tooth that has yet to be cured, even after years of working in bakeries. So, no, you won't be seeing classic Halloween candy on this list (but really, you already know Reese's pumpkins are far superior to the cups, so you don't need another blogger telling you that). However, you will find an array of delicious snackable options to fuel you through your Halloween movie marathon.

Apple and/or Pumpkin Butter

Apple and pumpkin butter is an absolute must for me in the fall. I can't tell you how many minutes of my life have been spent deciding between apple and pumpkin butter, but I'm sure I don't want to know. Whichever you prefer, nothing compares to the taste of those locally made, and in my opinion it's worth shelling out a couple of extra bucks for. My personal preference since moving to Portland is Oregon Growers, which I can easily find in a grocery store. However, I like to pick up a jar from a farmer's market stand when I can. Or if I'm feeling really crazy, I'll make some homemade pumpkin pecan butter, and if you're nice, MAYBE I'll share the recipe. Enjoy on toast, ice cream, scones, or, duh, a spoon.

Trader Joe's Halloween Joe-Joes

Don't get me wrong, I love that Trader Joe's has a pumpkin Joe-Joe option, but I just can't slam a whole box like I can with the original. And luckily for Joe-Joe purists like myself, they have the classic dressed up all cute for Halloween with little Jack-o'-lantern faces. If you like Oreos more than Joe-Joe's, but still want your Halloween fix, they still have the orange creme ones. Remember when Oreo just dyed the creme the color of a given holiday instead of coming out with hundreds of different flavors? Ah, the good old days. I shall commence eating a whole

Trader Joe's Organic Pumpkin Spice Granola Bark

With Trader Joe's being the epicenter of all things pumpkin, it's a challenge not to post an entire list of Trader Joe's snacks. However, their pumpkin spice granola bark definitely deserves a spot. Organic. Pumpkin. Granola. Dark chocolate. It's almost like you can pretend it's healthy (it's not). I think the chocolate/pumpkin combo is one of the most underrated, underutilized, fall flavor profiles, so I take it where I can. Just don't blame me when you eat the whole bag.

Brad's Crunchy Kale: Vampire Killer

Although it's available year-round, these kale chips are great when you need a break from sugar consumption (amateur). This snack is perfect for mindless snackers who don't have enough control to stop before the container is gone. So open a box of these bad boys and turn on your favorite vampire movie. No need to fear, for your subsequent garlic breath will be sure to keep the vampires at bay.

Terra Beauregard Sweets and Fairytale Pumpkin

I love these chips mainly because when I open a bag, it looks like a bag of pretty fall leaves. They are kind of soft and kind of crunchy in the way that Terra chips tend to be, so if you don't like the texture of Terra chips, these are obviously not for you. Whatever, more for me. They're also on the sweeter side, but not too sweet, so you can feel less guilty while dipping them in that apple or pumpkin butter you bought per my recommendation. Besides, can you really say no to something that includes fairytale pumpkin? I thought not. Impress your friends at your Halloween party by dumping a bag of these into a pretty bowl and acting like you made some effort.

NuCulture Pumpkin Spice Creamy Cashew Spread

I feel bad for people who don't live in the Pacific Northwest, because, simply put, it's pretty amazing out here. Add this spread as another reason to move out here, because it's locally made, and seriously delicious. When I first bought this, I wasn't sure about it. What do I put it on? What do I dip in it? Is this even sweet? I opened it and took a spoonful, just to test it. Another spoonful, to make double sure. Another spoonful, because it's really fucking good. Finally, after I stopped eating it by the spoonful, I started dipping the aforementioned Terra chips, cinnamon and sugar pita chips, and apples in it. Spread it on a graham cracker, and you've got the easiest pumpkin cheesecake ever made. In fact, that's the perfect way to describe this stuff: a less sweet pumpkin cheesecake filling. Again, I'm sorry if you don't live here, because you're obviously missing out. If you're lucky you can order it online, but they only ship to certain states, so good luck and godspeed. 

365 Pumpkin Spice Bites

Don't be fooled by the name, as these are not pumpkin-filled, but filled with pumpkin-flavored apple filling. I know, it's confusing, but trust me on this one. In a world full of pumpkin-flavored things during fall, it's nice to remind ourselves that there are seasonal flavors that exist. These little snacks remind me of a sweet version of combos, which I'm more than ok with. These also fit perfectly in my purse, so I can inconspicuously eat them on-the-go without judgement. And let's be real ladies (and gentlemen who are like "fuck gender norms"), we all need good purse snacks. It's pretty much the only reason I have a purse to begin with.

Sjaak's Chocolate

This isn't a proper Halloween treat list without candy, and Sjaak's has got the vegan Halloween chocolate on lock. My personal favorites are the Pumpkin Spice Bites and Peanut Butter Bites. The pumpkin spice flavor are filled with pumpkin-flavored caramel, so that's pretty fun, and the peanut butter ones are, you guessed it, filled with peanut butter cream. Fuck you, Reese's I don't need you anymore, because I've found my peanut butter cup replacement. Sjaak's also makes adorable white chocolate ghosts and skull pops. However, vegan or not, white chocolate isn't my thing, so I pass on those, though they are cute as hell. 





FoodPerri LernerFood, halloween